How many times have you seen someone who you held in high esteem do something seemingly contrary to their nature and think, “How could they do/believe such an awful thing? They are/were a good person.”
How many times have you read the opinion of someone you care about only to think, “How can a Christian believe that?” or “How can they not see how horrible this is?”
I know I have. Sometimes it’s hard to believe that very poor decisions and opposite opinions, even ones that are morally reprehensible to us, can be made by people we love or respect.
We want to sort them into the “bad” category. We want to make sense of the things that are outside of our comprehension. It makes it easier for our minds to understand if we consider people to be bad. We want to avoid the uncomfortable thought that a person similar to us could think or do something we think we never would.
But what I’ve learned is it’s just.not.that.simple.
One of the hardest truths that I’ve had to accept is that there are not simply “good” and “bad” people out there. It is not black and white like that. Most of us are some combination of both. We are black AND white. We are gray. Sometimes are are lighter and sometimes we are darker…but always with the capability to change.
We are all unique and complex beings. There are so many facets to our personality and character that it cannot be defined by one thing. Our thoughts, ideals, perspectives, and actions are all a combination of our upbringing, our culture, our life experiences, our religion or system of values, and more.
One of my favorite quotes by Brene Brown is:
People are hard to hate close up. Move in.
Genuinely good people can disagree with you.
Say that with me. And don’t add any snarky disclaimers to it.
Saying “they just haven’t done their research,” or “even though they are kind of crazy” negates the point and is condescending. If you really get to know people and see where they are coming from, the world would be a lot happier place.
The answer is not always “either you’re with me or against me.” Because that means there are only two choices, and that leaves out a heck of a lot of gray in the middle. I know the gray isn’t always comfortable, but there are a lot of answers there. Many times our opinions are not always 100% right, no matter how much we feel that they are. No matter how much we feel we are supported by the facts. That does not mean it is the only right answer. One of my former bosses used to always say, “There’s more than one way to be right.” It used to annoy me, but I really do think it is true in a lot of ways.
Do I believe some things are truly and unequivocally wrong? Yes. But that doesn’t mean you can make sweeping generalizations about entire groups of people. Things are usually more complex than we realize.
Understanding is powerful and can go such a long way. Even if we see flaws in another person’s reasoning or actions, we need to remember that we are all imperfect, and we all need grace. One of my favorite scriptures is “are we not all beggars?” Meaning that at some point, we have all been in a position where we have been in need, been misunderstood, or simply screwed up. And from a religious standpoint, we all need the Lord. We are dependent upon Him for our lives and for eternal life. Therefore we aren’t really in a position to say that we are above anyone else.
We would be stronger if we worked together. We are stronger when we respectfully challenge and consider one another’s ideas. I believe we can compromise without it sounding like a dirty word. A better way to put it would be to combine the best of our ideas in an innovative way. Because good ideas aren’t only limited to one belief, political party, religion, gender, ethnicity, or any other group.
Good ideas are all over the place. Embrace them! Let other people make you better.
Some great thoughts here. I think our world today definitely wants to separate everyone into “good” or “bad” (or “right” or “wrong”). Remembering that we are all in the middle somewhere is definitely helpful.
This is so relevant in today’s political climate. It’s okay to disagree! We don’t have to call people names just because we have different opinions. I agree that if we take time out to see why someone feels the way they do, that we can all learn to understand each other a little better.
You make some great points here. No one is right or wrong 100% of the time.
I love this idea of being grey. No black or white. This was very inspiring! Thank you
A great message. Everyone is fighting their own battle, and I always try to take that into account when I don’t understand someone else’s actions.
I needed to read this today. Thank you for sharing.
Lovely post! I remind myself often that everyone is just doing the best they can at the moment. Give a little grace.
Yes move in a little closer, I like that idea. We never do know, do we? I like the underlying trust in all of this. And yes, we are all better together. Let’s celebrate!
Love this!
So apropos for this time. And very true. Even those who are working so hard to be good, will not completely align with others views of good.
Excellent points! I have definitely experienced this, and I admit, I have been disappointed in people I considered to be perfectly aligned with me. Really well-written, thought-provoking post!
This is great! Such an interesting topic!
Life is definitely in the gray areas!
I love how thought provoking this is. I totally agree, it’s all perspective.
Nice Article! Too bad we all tend to put people in categories. When we are all just trying to be the best we can.