The Unexpected Culprit Behind My Son's Picky Eating

As much as I joke about how difficult it is to get my kids to eat, I’m not joking today. My oldest son has had a hard time for years eating a wide variety of foods and we finally found the reason WHY.

When he was a toddler, I wrote it off as typical toddler behavior. Then when the pickiness and slow eating continued, I chalked it up to typical kid pickiness. But then as he got older, 7, 8, and now 9–I really started thinking that maybe there was more to this issue. I assumed he would eventually grow out of the pickiness and that things would improve. But they didn’t. And within the past year, it almost seemed like things were getting worse. Food after food was being crossed off of his list of acceptable meals and snacks.

toddler with a tongue tie — Toddler age eating habits seemed normal

A few weeks ago things came to a head with a meltdown of epic proportions on both his and my part when he would not (could not) eat macaroni and cheese because it was “too mushy.” This is his favorite food. The one thing I can be guaranteed he will eat. If we are now crossing his favorite and most easily eaten food off the list, then I knew we were in trouble. Something HAD to change.

My life has always centered around trying to get him to eat. All of the typical “do this and he will eventually eat” things never worked. And believe me, I tried them all. There’s probably some judgy person reading this right now who’s thinking I must not have tried xyz (including leaving it completely alone), but I have. Packing his lunch for school was really stressful for me, because I knew he wouldn’t eat so many things, and the things he would eat took so long to consume that he may not even finish those.

child with a tongue tie — Things seemed to continue on the same path but I thought it was normal

Meal times were horrible. I dreaded them so much. I often got so frustrated that I ended up in tears. I tried to keep my cool. I tried to stay calm. Sometimes I was successful. Sometimes the stars would align and he’d eat. But the majority of the time, we both would leave the table upset. Even when he did eat, the quantities he ate were so small and the time he took to eat them was so long. I was constantly worrying about him getting enough nutrition to grow.

A friend of mine suggested that the combination of behaviors and symptoms sounded like a tongue tie. I was blown away at the thought. My youngest son had a tongue tie fixed when he was a baby because we had problems with breastfeeding and gaining weight (and my supply was just fine). But my oldest child didn’t really have a “problem” gaining weight, he was just always on the smaller side. I never even thought he could have a tongue tie.

But the more we talked, the more things started to come together. He gets migraines regularly (bad enough to where he throws up). There’s also taking forever to chew, sometimes gagging on food, cavities, migraines, food aversions, texture issues, and more. He never had any speech issues though, which is one of the more obvious signs. And although I never thought he had breastfeeding issues, they were likely masked due to the fact that I was working full time and pumping, so he received more than half of his feedings through bottles (which are much easier for a tongue tied baby to eat from). Could he have had this problem all along?

Older child with a tongue tie — At ages 8 and 9 I worried there was more wrong

It took me a while to digest this possibility and then we moved, so I didn’t look into finding a knowledgeable provider right away. I’ve learned that it is extremely important to find the right person, because most doctors or dentist aren’t truly knowledgeable about tongue ties even if they say/think they are, because ties usually extend deep underneath the tongue (further back than what is usually “clipped” on the very tip of the tongue). A knowledgeable provider has to actively seek out in-depth study beyond what medical or dental school and/or residency traditionally offers. Groups like these can give you recommendations for trusted providers.

Tongue tie procedure with laser at pediatric dentist — Examination

We got him evaluated by one of the best pediatric dentists in DFW and he confirmed that he does have a significant tongue tie. Although it might not be obvious to the untrained eye, his tongue was not able to move the way it should. This includes the process of swallowing. His tongue was too tightly tethered to the floor of the mouth making it unable to adequately move upwards and backwards in the normal swallowing motion.

I simultaneously felt relieved and guilty; relieved to have an answer, but guilty because I didn’t figure this out sooner. Part of me knows that I did the best I could with the knowledge that I had and it’s not my fault, but on the other hand I’m his mother and MY BABY COULDN’T SWALLOW! How could I not know? And his life was unnecessarily more difficult because I didn’t push earlier, push stronger, for more answers and action.

The tongue tie was fixed with a very quick procedure involving a laser which cuts through the tissue under the tongue. He also had an upper lip tie that was fixed. We are left with a nice diamond-shape wound that has to be massaged multiple times a day so that it doesn’t reattach and grow back the way that it was. He needs to exercise and stretch his tongue so that it will gain more function. He will likely need some therapy to help him learn to use the tongue to swallow properly, since it is not a natural movement for him.

I am proud of how brave he was. He was very scared, but did his best to face his fears bravely. He was able to stay calm. I felt awful to see him so scared but I know that in the long run, having this procedure will hopefully be worth it!

This is a very emotionally charged subject for me. I’m still processing everything but I wanted to share in the hopes that this may help someone else who is facing any extreme eating issues like this. There may be an underlying reason. If not a tongue tie, there could be a sensory processing disorder (which was next on my list to get checked out), or some other reason. Trust your instincts if you feel like something more is going on. Save yourself and your child from years of tears and struggle by finding an answer early on. Don’t give up if your doctor doesn’t listen to you. Find someone who will.

YOU are the best advocate for your child.

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2 Comments

Jill 5 years ago

Wow. Thanks for posting this. I, too, have a kiddo, now 15, who is the most picky eater on the planet. I will be asking his pediatric dentist about this the next time we’re in his office. Good job, mom! Don’t ever give up! And don’t feel guilty! Not many would see it through to the level that you did. 🙂
Christine 5 years ago

Oh my gosh I am so happy you figured this all out! I know several kids who had it fixed later on in life and made all the difference! My little guy had his taken care of at 3 weeks old 🙂

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