Depression feels like a mental cage.
It’s frustrating when my brain keeps me from doing things I know I can do. I feel like a cheetah trapped in a cage when I could be running up to 90mph if given the chance. But I am not free.
Sometimes the cage is big, and sometimes it is small. When it’s big, I feel freer, but I’m still painfully aware that I cannot reach my full potential. I cannot hit top speed no matter what I do.
Sometimes the cage is so small, all I can do is lay down. There’s barely even enough room for that.
Sometimes I feel like I’ve finally been freed from my cage, only to find myself back inside without realizing how I got there. It’s like a cruel trap.
The worst part is when people tell me I should be able to free myself from the cage. “Just take more walks, and you’ll be able to get out.” “Just eat healthier, and you will be strong enough to break free.” “Just pray, and it will be unlocked for you.”
If only it were that simple.
If it were that easy to break out of a cage. If it were, no one would still be inside them.
No one in their right mind would stay there.
People don’t understand how strong those bars are and how complicated the locks can be. I need help, plain and simple.
I hope one day I will be fully freed. I often wonder what that would be like. For now, I enjoy freedom when it comes my way. I don’t know when freedom will come my way—or how long I’ll have it—so I seize the day when the opportunity arises. I run my heart out and feel the wind in my hair. I’ll run for the thrill of it, but also because I’m going to need those memories to get me through the next time I’m trapped in the cage.
Remembering gives me hope. It gives me something to look forward to and a reason to persevere.
It’s a constant battle between feeling frustrated and resentful about what I can’t do, and gratitude for what I can do.
Gratitude helps, but the fact remains that depression feels like I’m trapped. It doesn’t eliminate the cage. I need people to understand that.
Depression and anxiety sometimes confine me, but they still don’t define who I am. Just like any other creature on this earth, I just want the opportunity to fully be ME.
