I’m Almost 40 And Still Have Body Image Struggles as a Mom

I’ve been wanting to write about my body image struggles as a mom for a few weeks, but every time I tried, it just felt so overwhelming and sad. Like a lot of other times with my struggles with mental health, it’s hard for me to share much until AFTER I turn a corner. Here are a few things that have been on my mind.

Some people think I overshare, but the reason why I try to be transparent and straightforward is because I know I’m not alone in my worries, struggles, and insecurities. After sharing this post on Instagram, the amount of people who said they could relate was overwhelming.

Mom life is not easy. ANY life is not easy. We all have things that challenge us, and we have to deal with them in the midst of all of our life responsibilities. Sometimes this feels like we don’t have any time or energy to dedicate to working on ourselves.

I hit a breaking point a few weeks ago and have never felt more like a failure. It wasn’t just one thing, it was EVERYTHING. I was worried about work, worried about my kids, worried about my health, feeling uncomfortable in my body, and just overall feeling like I couldn’t do anything right.

Sometimes I don’t fully share the depth of my feelings online, in the exact moment that I’m feeling them, which makes me feel like a fraud and have major imposter syndrome. Sometimes the things I post are more for me than for others.

Seeing your body change as you get older has presented more challenges to me than I expected. It’s not only weight gain, but also wrinkles, gray hairs, and everything just settling differently. In my heart, I still feel young, so seeing the mirror not reflect that messes with my mind.

I couldn’t bring myself to post this photo when I first saw it. I felt so uncomfortable and disappointed in myself.

Leaving body image struggles as mom unaddressed and unattended to can interfere with your everyday life. It has made me not want to go places or be seen. I constantly worry about what people are thinking of me, even though I know most people are probably wrapped up in worrying about themselves. And yet, that doesn’t stop the negative thoughts from racing through my mind.

Then there’s the health concerns and just overall how I feel in my body. I don’t like how much slower I feel and how hard it can be at times to keep up with my kids. I’ve had a big dose of reality as I approach turning 40 that I need to do more to be able to live a long and healthy life and be fully present and engaged with my kids. I don’t want to miss out on life because of my body.

This is me, unedited. Taking this photo wasn’t fun, and it wasn’t fun to look at. But it’s reality. This is a person who has body image struggles as a mom. I’m not special; I’m one of many who feels this way.

Regarding the last few slides, body image struggles are something that has been on my mind almost daily. I rarely feel free from these thoughts and I struggle so much with the seemingly conflicting ideas of accepting my body yet wanting to change it. I’ve come a long way with my body image, but in some ways, it still feels like I’m a young girl worried about being made fun of for gaining weight. I have avoided going places because I don’t want to be “seen” especially when I’m uncomfortable in all my clothes, most of which no longer fit. This works against me because I’m an extrovert who needs to talk to people!

I know so many things about diet culture and all the issues with it. Yet at the same time, I want to be healthier and more comfortable with myself so I can just LIVE without this bothering me constantly. And for the sake of my joints and my back and other things I do need to lose some weight. I feel a lot of internal conflict and guilt about everything surrounding this and feel like I will get criticized no matter what I do.

I have a plan that I’ll share more about soon. I know none of my issues, both on the outside and on the inside, can be fixed overnight. This is a lifelong process. But for the first time in a while, I finally feel hopeful.

This post was originally shared on the author’s Instagram page.

Update: Go here to read more about my plan and how it is going!

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