The Daily Feelings of Mom Life with Anxiety and Depression

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The daily feelings of mom life with anxiety and depression can make my feel like I’m all over the place.

Anxiety and depression have been plaguing me again recently. I’ve been feeling better than ever for the past few years but I have recently felt a shift. In the mornings, I feel fine because I’m busy getting the kids ready, making lunches, and driving them to school. I’m focused on what needs to get done.

But in the moments after I come back home, I start to crumble. This feeling of dread creeps in, darkening the window of opportunities for how to use my time. I’m trapped. I don’t have the energy to fight, so I succumb to the darkness.

As the day goes on, I feel pressure mounting. I should be doing this, I need to be doing that. And I WISH I could do these other things. But all the logic in the world doesn’t help me move past this paralyzing feeling.

My to-do list is actually massive. The problem is, a lot of it can be put off. And when I do that it makes the pressure build up more and more. I’ll NEVER be able to get through all these things. I’ll never accomplish it all. There’s no hope, really. And that makes it feel impossible to start.

Sometimes, I can get myself out of this spiral. I set a microscopic goal to DO SOMETHING, and if I am able to do it, that little hit of dopamine goes a long way. I begin to climb out. I do a little more. Then a little more. I start to feel better. I tell myself not to think of that stupid to-do list. By the end of the day, I feel proud for accomplishing what I did.

But the problem is…I have to start over and do this all again tomorrow.

And it.is.exhausting.

I hate it.

Part of me says, “Hang on, this will eventually pass. It always has before,” while the other part of me says, “This is pathetic. What’s wrong with you? You’re going backwards and you’re going to lose all the progress you’ve made.” And that is a bleak thought.

I’m grateful for the things I AM able to do, & that I can function to get through bare minimum done. But I feel ashamed to struggle when so many others in the world are suffering through far worse. This makes me feel like I can’t talk about it.

Ultimately, writing and talking about this DOES actually make me feel better, though. And by doing so, I hope others know that opening up can help them, too.

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