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Guest post by by Christina Furnival at Real Life Mama.
My name is Christina Furnival, and I am a mom to two young kiddos, the founder of the motherhood blog with a therapist’s twist Real Life Mama, and a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor (LPCC). I also have suffered from depression and anxiety.
To be Human is to Experience Mental Health Highs and Lows
At one point or another, we have all battled with mental health. At any given moment, one in four Americans are battling a mental health disorder. Maybe you have grieved the loss of a loved one, you freeze up in social situations, you have thoughts running through your head at a million miles a minute, you feel like the things you used to enjoy doing have lost their luster, or you feel overly tired and lethargic. No matter the external circumstance or the internal biochemistry, we have all had times where we don’t feel good and we could use some help. But do we go out and get it? Or do we say, “I don’t want to go to therapy.”?
Through my years of professional practice and in my personal life, I have heard many reasons why someone may not be interested in seeking therapy, even though they believe they could use support outside of themselves. There are many myths, misconceptions and fears about mental health therapy, and many reasons why folks don’t think they need it. Heck, I have even said some myself.
Let’s look at these myths and fears about therapy. It is my hope that you will gain perspective that maybe you hadn’t considered before. With new understanding and awareness, I hope that if you are struggling you will take the steps to seek therapy. And if you have a loved one who is resisting help, please share this article with them!
Common Myths and Fears about Therapy
1. Talking to a therapist won’t help
You’re feeling down and you decide to open up to a close friend or family member, hoping it will help. And it does a little! You feel somewhat better! So why would you need to talk to a therapist, right?
Speaking to someone you know personally is great — you get what’s going on with you off of your chest and a loved one is aware of how you’re doing. That’s important!
But it’s often not enough. Speaking with friends and family has its limits. Friends and family are not objective, they are likely not trained professionals in mental health, they may give advice that is not the safest or most helpful, and your response to their advice or guidance will have its own biases.
When you speak to a therapist, you are in an environment where your venting and processing is channeled and reflected back. The therapist helps you really look at yourself and circumstances to determine what changes you want to make in thoughts and behavior, and how to make them. Therapy is a collaborative relationship with someone who has no preconceived notions about your life or the people in it, and is equipped to help you navigate tough situations.
Your therapist has several approaches to therapy up their sleeves and they will choose the right one (or combination of a few), tailoring it to you and the unique way that you think. Through therapy you will learn how to utilize your strengths more effectively and you will develop new skills for managing challenges.
Don’t just take my word for it — research has shown that mental health issues are resolved quicker with therapy than without it! According to the American Psychology Association (APA), “large meta-analytic studies have demonstrated that psychotherapy reduces disability, morbidity and mortality; improves work functioning; and decreases psychiatric hospitalization. Psychotherapy teaches patients life skills that last beyond the course of treatment.”
2. The therapist is a stranger, and I don’t want to talk to a stranger
Well, at moment zero, yes. And then, quite quickly, your therapist becomes someone in whom you put your trust, and hopefully someone with whom you really enjoy spending time.
Therapists are usually people whose nature it is to be empathic and whose interests involve loving to help and empower others. They are also trained and qualified to help you feel comfortable and open up.
Your therapist will genuinely care about your best interest and in the end may know you so well that they help you learn more about yourself! How cool to have someone like that on your team?!
3. There’s too much to explain
There IS a lot to explain. Life is full and complicated and messy. Often, when we seek out therapy it is due to a specific situation, challenge, or presentation of symptoms, enabling the therapist and you to focus as much on the issue at hand as you’d like.
If what is going on for you does stem from deeper issues, you and your therapist can go there, but at the rate and pace that feels best for you. Your therapist will do their best to synthesize the stories and information you share to help find common threads and themes from which you will work. They don’t need to know everything in order to help you with many things.
4. It just sounds so awkward. I don’t want them to stare at me and say “Oooh. How does that make you feel? Mmm. I see.”
The image of a therapist often portrayed in shows and films is one of a stoic, not super relatable person asking emotionally heavy questions and not giving much back. The client is also usually laying uncomfortably supine on a chaise lounge. Awkward!
The reality more often is that your therapist is warm, inquisitive and personable, and you engage with them in an interactive and reciprocal conversation. And these days, with Covid requiring therapy to be done remotely via telehealth, you and your therapist are in your own comfortable spaces. Your therapist may even be cool if you drink a coffee or eat a meal during a session. They still are going to ask about feelings as they relate to your thoughts and actions, but it will feel much more natural than you might think.
5. I don’t have time and I don’t have childcare
We are lucky to live in a time where telehealth has made huge strides. You can now see a therapist according to your schedule, and you don’t have to factor in commute time! That means your 45 minute session is a true-to-the-clock 45 minutes. You can surely fit that in at some point in your day.
Now that therapists are often working from home, availability has increased! Some therapists will offer services on the weekends, as well as early morning and evening hours to meet client needs.
If you have your kids during the day and would rather see a therapist once your kids are asleep at night, you’ll be glad to know that many therapists are also parents and because they also can’t do sessions when the kiddos are around, they provide sessions in the evening — myself included! I usually see clients from 730pm onward because that works best for me as well as for many clients.
I guarantee you will find a telehealth therapy provider that will meet your schedule and needs!
6. I’m not sure how to find a provider
It can feel overwhelming trying to figure out who to see for therapy when you are living in the thick fog of a mental health storm. Here are a couple simple ways to find a therapist who can meet your needs.
Word of Mouth: Check in with friends or family who are seeing therapists to learn who they like or recommend. If their therapist is unavailable, there may be another therapist in that practice, or the therapist may be able to offer a couple names of therapist’s that they recommend.
Through your insurance network: If you are looking to pay with your health insurance, then the best place to start is with your insurance company. Take your insurance card, flip it over, and call the number on the back. You can speak with their representative who can refer you to covered providers. Alternatively you can try out your insurance carrier’s website to find a therapist who will be in-network.
World Wide Web: If you are able to private-pay for services, you have a few more options. You can go to a specific telehealth company’s website like MDLIVE (I am an independent contractor with them), TalkSpace or BetterHelp and search their directory of therapists.
Or you could go to a website like PsychologyToday or GoodTherapy.org and search using whatever criteria suits you.
7. I just don’t want to
That’s fair — you just don’t want to! I have had times that I just didn’t want to go to therapy either.
What can we do with that? Enter the classic therapist response: Let’s explore that.
Ask yourself the following questions and write down your answers so you can look at your answers more objectively.
- Why is it that I don’t want to go to therapy?
- Is not going to therapy working for me, really?
- What do I think it would say about me if I went to therapy? Is that true?
- What’s the worst that could happen by not going? Am I okay with that?
- What would push me to decide it was time to go to therapy?
- What are the benefits of going to therapy? Are there any negatives?
If your life is not how you’d like it right now, you often feel like your emotions are controlling you (instead of the other way around), your mental state is negatively affecting your ability to function and is detrimental to your relationships, it’s probably a good idea to reach out to a therapist.
If you are honest with yourself and know that you are in a dangerous place mentally, you may need support from a loved one to help you make an appointment or get the help you need.
If you are wanting more of a prescribed solution to your mental health concerns, speak to your PCP about how you’re doing and they might recommend a medication or a psychiatrist. Sometimes medication is helpful to take the edge off so that we are capable of beginning therapy and benefitting from the work.
Also, therapy is hard work! You may not feel up for that — remember though that sometimes the harder option is the healthiest. You could break the idea of therapy into more palatable pieces; don’t tell yourself that you’re signing up for long-term therapy, but instead tell yourself you are making one appointment.
Just one hour or so of talking to someone about what’s been going on.
Just one chat that will almost certainly leave you feeling better.
That’s worth a try, isn’t it?
Christina is a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor (LPCC) with over a decade of experience in the mental health field working in hospital programs, outpatient clinics, domestic violence centers, and telehealth. Christina is the founder of the motherhood blog with a mental health therapist’s twist Real Life Mama, and she is a mom to a four-year-old spirited girl and a two-year-old rambunctious boy. Christina and her hottie husband are raising their family in San Diego, California where they love to hike, play soccer, cook, walk around the lake, and go to the beach. Follow along with Christina and read her supportive and encouraging posts at www.ThisIsRealLifeMama.com, on Facebook and on Instagram.
Important things to consider. I think that talking with someone objective is always a good thing to help you process. I did have to chuckle with the “How does that make you feel? Hmmm” comment. I have known people that would do that to me just in general conversation and it wasn’t pleasant. I didn’t mind if my counselor did though. Thanks for sharing.