My water broke when I was 38 weeks pregnant with my third baby boy. I was soooo ready to get that baby out! It had been a rough pregnancy. It was about 6:00 in the evening so I ate dinner before heading to the hospital. I was so excited because with my first two babies, I had to be induced for preeclampsia. I was finally going to see what a “natural” labor was like!
It’s Not Working
My contractions got harder and longer. After a few minutes I felt some tingling in my left leg, but that was it. “It’s not working,” I told the anesthesiologist. “It’s hurting more, not less. I don’t think it’s working.” “Just give it time,” he said. The pain was getting very intense. Minutes passed but it felt my hours. I kept my eyes closed as I tried to visualize myself being somewhere peaceful, like on the beach. I had practiced this visualization technique before. I’m doing this. I can do this. It will get better soon. Frustration was building inside when I realized the epidural was giving me no help. “IT’S NOT WORKING!” The doctor pushed more meds through the catheter and mentioned that the initial dose probably wasn’t enough. My left leg was now numb. But nothing else was numb. In fact, there was absolutely no difference in any other part of my body except my left leg. I explained what I was feeling and was reassured that “more time” would help everything settle. I kept waiting, and the epidural kept not helping. At this point the pain was unbearable. All I wanted to do was keep my eyes closed and focus within myself to think of peaceful places and thoughts so I could breathe through contractions. I wanted to move, but my left leg felt like lead. I couldn’t lift it at all. I couldn’t move. I asked my husband to help turn me on my side which gave me a tiny bit of relief. The doctor still thought he could get the epidural to work by pushing more meds(which he did)…But I knew. It’s not going to work you idiot! The way things felt told me that the epidural was not placed correctly and no amount of drugs was going to change that. It was all I could do to just breathe. It took all my focus; all my energy. I knew (from experience) that if I freaked out, I wouldn’t be able to breathe and things would be much more difficult. Breathe. Breathe.Transition
I got to the point where I couldn’t keep it together anymore during the contractions. I was crying and telling my husband, “It’s not working, it’s not working. It hurts! Help me! HELP!!!” I’m pretty sure what happened next was the “transition” phase. I let out an explosive scream. I couldn’t believe how loud it was, but at the same time, I literally could not control it. The nurse came running in and asked “What happened?!” I’m having a baby, here! That’s what’s happening. “He’s coming!!! It hurts!!! The nurse said, “Well you were just at 5cm a little while ago, so it’s probably still not time yet.” “AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” Another huge scream came out of me. I was writhing in pain and crying. I rolled over and saw the anesthesiologist staring at me, wide eyed, looking horrified. He obviously felt bad. Yeah, you messed up. I screamed, “HE’S COMING!!!!!” It was the strangest sensation; I really felt like the baby was coming out. I wasn’t pushing; it just seemed like my body was pushing him through me by itself. I was really afraid he was going to fall out with no one to catch him, but he was just getting moved into position. It was accompanied with a burning sensation. Holy crap, that’s the ring of fire! “I KNOW HE’S COMING OUT!” The nurse checked, and quickly realized I was fully dilated and the baby was right there. It was almost midnight and my OB wasn’t there. The nurse called him and he said he was at least twenty minutes away. Everyone was trying to decide whether we should try to wait for him or call the on-call OB. Meanwhile I’m just trying to make it through each passing second. I tried not to scream, but it was impossible. I couldn’t really tell what was going on around me. I was so focused within myself. “I can’t do this. I can’t do this anymore!” My husband replied, “Don’t you want meet Luke? He’s going to be here soon. You can do this!” I said, “Luke?” and smiled. We hadn’t officially decided on a name, but that was the one I wanted. “Yes,” he said. “Luke is almost here!”Birth
They started paging a team to come and deliver my baby. There were alarms going off. The anesthesiologist was still there, looking afraid. Everyone was scrambling around like crazy. Things were happening quickly, but I still wasn’t able to pay attention to anything else but my body. Apparently the baby’s heart rate started dropping, so the doctor wanted to get him out quickly. The team got me set up to push. I was crying. The on-call OB introduced himself and told me that he needed me to focus and stop screaming. “I can’t!!!” Everyone was trying to calm me down. “Just a few pushes and he will be out!” I took a deep breath and pushed. I was ready to get this over with. I was afraid of the pain, but mostly I just wanted it to be over. “The head is out!” Another push. He was born!I Did It!
To my surprise, pushing wasn’t really all that painful. It was actually satisfying knowing that my baby was coming out! But afterwards I was embarrassed that I may have pooped while pushing, since I had heard so many stories of that happening. “I think I pooped,” I said while crying. “No, you didn’t actually!” The nurses said. I was legitimately surprised, because it sure felt like it. The sensations had been so intense. I got to hold my baby and I was so relieved. It was over. I had done it. “Oh my gosh, I can’t believe this happened,” I told my husband. “I just can’t believe it.” My sweet boy was born a few minutes before midnight, just six hours after my water broke and only about four hours of active labor.
Looking for more real-life, relatable stories and resources?
Check out these books written by friends and professionals that hit the mark for me.
Enough About the Baby: A Brutally Honest Guide to Surviving the First Year of Motherhood
Becky draws on her own experiences and interviews with moms and experts to get to the bottom of the toughest and most taboo topics—from managing nosey in-laws and an anxious partner to surviving the first postpartum poop and when to seek out treatment for postpartum depression.
Mothers are Made: How One Mom Overcame Perfectionism, Self-Doubt, Loneliness, and Anxiety and Became a Better and Happier Parent
Danielle’s writing is raw and relatable, and she shows how overcoming challenges with eating disorders, then facing the challenges of perfectionism, self-doubt, anxiety, and loneliness has given her tremendous inner strength, resilience, and confidence. Through real stories full of honesty, love, tenderness, and humor, she reminds her readers that they, too, have the knowledge and tenacity to persevere through any obstacle.
Check out some of my other posts that would be perfect for new parents:
- Choosing a Car Seat
- 4 Items You Should Remove From Your Baby Registry
- The Best Websites to Find Car Seat Deals
- Yes, You CAN Forget Your Child: Preventing Hot Car Deaths
I’m sorry if you felt traumatized. I had a natural birth on purpose, but planned for it. We did a water birth and that made a huge difference. I think you should probably talk to the hospital about the anesthesiologist. So happy your baby is here and you are healthy.
I’m so sorry you had to go through that. It’s frustrating when medical professionals refuse to listen to people about what’s going on with their own bodies- especially Women… Honestly, you’d think they’d realize we know what’s going on a hell of a lot better than people who weren’t living in our bodies.
Still, I’m glad the experience ended up being great and not traumatic despite what you had to go through. Congrats on your bundle of joy !!
I planned on having a natural birth with my first, but I didn’t really prepare for it and ended up getting an epidural. I saw the size of the needle and knew I probably would try to avoid that the next time around. You deserve all the credit for pushing out that baby on your own…that’s so frustrating that the anesthesiologist screwed up the epidural! My midwife was pregnant at the time I was giving birth…I had to hear this second-hand, but evidently she started getting sick while stitching me up, and all the nurses went to take care of her instead of me! I get if she needed to take a break…but to essentially leave me without any help, while I was still bleeding…I was upset when I heard that. I ended up running into her a year down the road, and she asked how the baby that “she” delivered was doing. Needless to say…won’t be going back to her. I can totally sympathize with receiving care from sub-par medical professionals. I know there are tons of amazing ones out there though!
Wow! Thank you for sharing your stories! I’m shocked that they would leave you unattended like that. I’m sorry that happened! Thank you so much for reading my story. 🙂
I’m not relishing in your pain but I’m thankful to meet another mom who can openly admit screaming and not wanting to do it at all because that was me WITH an epidural! But I could still feel the ring of fire and it totally freaked me out. I felt like a big chicken. But you know what, its OK to be scared of something you’ve never done before! Right?? I read so many stories of empowered feeling women breathing through the pain like champs. I wanted that, but when push came to PUSH, nope! Nope nope nope! I did not want to do it. Funny thing about birth…you can’t stop it. Looking back I wouldn’t change a thing. My emotions were just all part of the experience and I’m not embarrassed about them anymore.
I completely understand! Thank you for sharing that with me. I think there’s a WIDE range of emotions and reactions that are sooooooo normal, but not often talked about. Every birth is so different and in the end, we are all moms! 😊
I definitely sympathize with this! For my first birth, I kept telling the nurses that I didn’t want to be too late for an epidural, and they kept reassuring me that wouldn’t happen. You can probably guess what happened! It took some time to get the epidural when I asked for it, and they decided to check me one last time – I was at 10 cm. Finding out that I had to push the baby out without an epidural was seriously one of the most terrifying moments of my life. But like you said, the pushing wasn’t THAT bad – it was almost a relief at that point!
I ended up going without for #2 and #3 as well, because at that point I knew I could do it and it was less scary than an epidural. I still do wonder what an epidural birth would be like though!
Thanks for your comment! Yes I’d do the same thing if it had been my first, go without for the next kids!
I am glad to know that I am not the only one who has had the epidural fail lol. Funny, I also only had numbness in my left leg, but was from my mid thigh down. It seemed for my first delivery that everything that could go wrong for me went wrong (not for my babe, she rocked it the entire 40 hours of active labor!).
But now I know I can do without for my next delivery.
I also know now how important it is to have a midwife who knows me and my pain tolerances at my delivery. Don’t you know we managed to have the ONE midwife who we did not know, and did not know us. Especially after we had made it a point to meet and get to know all the midwives and nurses at our women’s center. Lol
Wow, I hope your next delivery goes well! Thank you for sharing your story.
You totally deserve all the credit for an unmedicated birth. I loved reading this! I just had my 2nd all natural birth, 9 weeks ago. I planned for both, essentially but this second time around I remember yelling at my husband that I wanted the damn epidural, hahaha! There was no time. I was 6cm by the time my midwife came to my house and my son was born 3 hours after that at the hospital. Transition is the WORST but also it means baby is coming soon. I puked my way through transition while my midwife cheered and clapped. She said puking is worth 10 contractions. haha! Seriously though I love hearing about how you screaming. Girl you better believe I screamed! Mostly just before I started pushing and then I stopped so I could focus all energy into pushing. It literally does feel like your baby is going to come our your bum, so that’s normal that you felt like you might have pooped. Well done, you deserve all the credit for all that hard work!
Thank you for your sweet comment! Puking during labor would have to be just awful, I’m sorry! I never had that experience so I think you’re a super hero for enduring that. I love birth stories.
Congratulations on the birth of an absolutely beautiful baby boy!! Thank you for sharing your story!!