Motherhood Has Made Me Stupid

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Yeah, you read that right. I feel like I’ve literally become stupider after having children. I used to have a very sharp memory and could organize my thoughts easily. I used to think the term “mom brain” was a cop out. But just like everything else related to motherhood, I got a swift kick in the pants that completely changed my outlook. I had my first child eight years ago and I don’t feel like I’ve ever been the same since.

Sleep Deprivation

This is a real thing, y’all. And it messes up your brain. Your memory sucks and everything seems cloudy. No matter how much you try, you just can’t make the side effects go away. The only “cure” is to get more sleep. More uninterrupted sleep. Which is often impossible with a newborn. I remember feeling so tired that sleeping for four hours straight felt like the best thing in the world.

I wanted to remember things like I used to. I wanted to be able to do my job like I was used to. But I couldn’t! I felt like a major failure because I would have errors in a project that would have never happened before. Brain.can.not.compute. Even though I no longer have a newborn, I still feel like many mental tasks are more difficult.

Sometimes when people are talking to me, I will just stand there staring back at them realizing I didn’t completely hear or understand what they just said. The wheels up there are turning a lot slower these days. I’ll have to ask people to repeat themselves just so I can have time to process it. In the grand scheme of things these issues are pretty small (except for one huge embarrassing moment that I will write about another time), but it has added to the overall state of feeling like I was a zombie.

Managing Forgetfulness

My ability to remember and keep things straight in my mind is no longer there like it used to be. I rely heavily on my phone calendar and setting alarms to remind myself of important things. It sometimes works, but sometimes doesn’t. Because if I don’t remember to put it on my calendar, the thought might be lost forever. So if I ever completely blow you off or fail to fulfill some kind of obligation, it’s not personal. It is my stupid brain’s fault. I am always telling people to remind me and keep bugging me if they need something. I try to outsource remembering whenever possible. For projects I have enjoyed using Slack and Trello with coworkers. Like I said, I try, but the system is not foolproof.

Perfection is Impossible

I’m a train wreck, and that’s all there is to it! I’m learning to accept it. It’s okay not to be perfect. I make mistakes. A lot of them. A lot more than I ever used to before having children. But that’s okay. It doesn’t make my value any less. It doesn’t mean I’m not a capable person. It doesn’t mean I can’t kick butt on a project.

As much as I joke about how motherhood has made me ‘stupid,’ I know deep down that it is not true. It certainly feels that way sometimes, but I just have to remember that things are simply different now. I have had to learn patience with myself and adjust my expectations. Ultimately, I am glad that this shift occurred so that I could learn and become a more empathetic person. I am much more aware that most people really are trying the best they can…just like me!

And that’s good enough for me most days. I am enough. 

And one day, I’ll be able to sleep again, right? Because it’s been eight years and I’m still waiting.

What are your tips for managing sleep deprivation and forgetfulness? Drop a comment below! Here’s a helpful info-graphic on sleep deprivation.

One tip I felt helpful in the chaos of the motherhood brain fog is creating a routine while getting in and out of the car. It’s extremely important to remember that ANYONE can forget their child in the car and it’s imperative to put a safety net in place. One thing I HIGHLY recommend is Clever Elly. This small device provides alternating reminders when your car turns off to check your back seat. Clever Elly is compatible with all cars. It’s extremely simple to install in your car’s power outlet. It’s essential for new moms!