Why? Why do I have to go through this?
I have asked myself this question so many times. Why?
In my mind, I know better than to ask this question. Because it doesn’t make my difficulties go away. Yet in the midst of painful experiences I cannot seem to help but wonder. Why?
I may never know why certain things happen, but I have found the answer to why I need them.
The answer is empathy. I needed these difficulties in order to develop it. Because there are some things that simply cannot be learned or understood except through experiencing them.
Each difficult event or circumstance is a unique learning experience. The emotions and thoughts that enter your mind, and the internal battle that wages in your soul are things that can never be fully described in words no matter how eloquently you try to explain them.
I remember sobbing after a particularly traumatic time in my young life when suddenly the thought came to me: “I can’t change what happened to me, but I can help someone else one day.” And the mere thought of that brought me immense peace. Because I knew that if I had someone tell me that they understood what I was feeling and going through at that moment, it would have been one of the most comforting gifts I could have received.
I used to think in much more black and white terms. I am ashamed at the thoughts that I have had in the past about why people couldn’t just “get over” things, blaming people for their hard circumstances, and assuming that I had a good life because I had done things “right.” How wrong I was. How little I knew.
Because this whole “life” thing ended up being a lot harder than I thought. After a series of swift kicks in the rear, it became utterly clear to me that the human experience is so much more complex than I could have imagined.
I had a miscarriage in between my first and second child. The grief I felt was unlike anything I had ever experienced. Being a person of faith, I knew that God loved me. But why couldn’t I feel Him?
It wasn’t until a group of strangers on a parenting message board responded to my news of losing that pregnancy that made me see how He was speaking to me. These women said they knew how I felt. They told me to be gentle to myself, to grieve as long as I needed to, and many other things that resonated deeply with me. To be understood on such a personal level with strangers showed me the power of empathy.
That empathy is what showed me God’s love.
This reminded me of something I had read in the scriptures. There are many places in the Bible that tell us how much God loves us, but there is a particular quote in the Book of Mormon that explains it so clearly:
“And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people…and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities.”
Alma 7:11-12
Jesus Christ felt what I have felt. To state that as a fact means one thing, to experience such painful and deep emotions and then know that someone else not only understands you, but personally took those feelings on willingly so He could perfectly understand you, takes that statement to an entirely new level.
I now feel more deeply than ever before how merciful our Savior is. What He did for us to not only redeem us, but to profoundly understand our human experience in order to comfort us, shows just how merciful He is. The beauty of His plan leaves me in awe.
Showing empathy towards others is one of the best ways I know how to share the love of God with them. I can’t fix someone else’s problems, but I can help them know what it feels like to be understood and loved, and hopefully invite the peace that only God can give.
What a sacred honor it is to be able to help relieve another person’s pain, even if it is only ever so slightly. There is still so much I don’t know, and so much I cannot do. But the empathy I do have I treat with the highest sense of duty that I know how to. I hope I will be ready to use it when it is needed.
I am so thankful to have the opportunity to experience life and all that comes along with it; the good and the bad. The bad things have enabled me to love bigger and more deeply than I ever thought possible. I am a better person because of these things. While I don’t wish bad things upon myself or anyone, I wouldn’t trade what I have learned from them.
Just remind me of that next time I start asking myself, “Why?”
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